*Updated March 2005*

The Story Of Me & My Angel

January 4, 2001, 11:00 p.m. and bored with my life, I was on my pc in an internet chat room, a thing I started to do as an escape which became a way of life for myself.

Just when I thought it was time to log off and head for bed, something I dreaded doing, I hated the night time, it was cold and lonely, dark and scary.  As I was saying good-bye to some of my online friends in a private messages, someone in the room said "Jademarie, you have a mic, come talk to us" so I spoke up and said "hello".

There was about thirty people in the room and only four of us talking.  Me, Daz, another guy and this girl called badassbytch, mean kind of a name but she became one of my closes online and real life friends.  Daz and this other guy were having a go at her, they asked why she was so bad and she replied with, it was because she was a k-9 cop in New York City.  After a few hours of chit chat badassbytch said she had to go and I looked at the clock thinking, I should have gone to bed hours ago.  So I too said my good-bye's then I received a message from godsgift_4_u and it said "can I add  you as a friend?"  Having a chuckle to myself, not because of what he had asked but because of his ID name.  The thought yea right, godsgift, this guy must really be hooked on himself.  I did send a message back saying "sure".  I really liked the fact that I could meet other people online. 

Lying in bed with my head on my pillow and thinking about my life and how I longed for something or someone but not sure what or who, a strange thought came to my mind.  While in the chat room, I remember making a comment about godsgift's profile and losing his wings and he spoke up and said "I feel violated" oh, how that made me laugh, why do a profile if you don't want anyone to see it and not everyone asked for permission on something like that.

The next day when I logged online there was a request from this godsgift asking me permission to add him to his friends list.  There was also a brief message saying "hiya, I'm Daz" Once again I chuckled to myself thinking, (godsgift, and your name is Daz, are you for real or what?)

I accepted the request and said ("hiya, I'm Judy and is your name really Daz?)

It wasn't until almost two days later, I was in my normal surfing of the rooms, thinking I should log off nobody is online and the rooms are dead, people just weren't talking or they were busy in private messages.  Then out of nowhere came a message from godsgift, just a message saying "hiya sweetie" I thought to myself "oh here we go, this one is a real Casanova" but I thought "why not" I'm bored and maybe I could have a few laughs, I was sure this guy would be able to make me laugh, if for nothing else to laugh at his arrogance.

We talked for hours through private messages and to my surprise, he was a really rather sweet and funny enough he seemed to have a soft side. We talked a lot about relationships, not of our own but of relationships in general.  He appeared to have a lot of views that women have and a lot that other men could learn from.  I remember asking him if he ever thought of writing a book, I told him he could make millions.  He said that maybe we could write one together since we shared a lot of the same views.

A day later I found myself sending him an email, an email I couldn't understand why I was sending.  I told him things about myself that I hadn't told anyone else. Once I sent it I felt some regrets, thinking I would never hear from him again and then I told myself "why worry, you don't know him, he doesn't know you and so what if you don't hear from him again and he thinks your off your rocker" but yet I had a hope I would, there was just something about him, it didn't make sense, I had no clue as to who he really is and with me in America and him in England, the chance of something just had to be in my mind.

It was about a week later I received an email telling me of his life.  The letter was so sweet and the story so sad I wasn't sure how to respond to it.  I did, just telling him what a touching letter it was.

For the next few weeks we chatted sparsely in private messages.  I found the conversations very intriguing.  Sometimes it was just small talk, like, what kind of food we  like, what our  favorite color was and other times we had deep conversations about family, friends, death and life.  I began to notice how much more often he was coming online and how he was even joining me in chat rooms.

In the middle of February, I told my oldest daughter that for her high school graduation I would like to take her on a trip and she could choose anywhere she wanted to go.  To my surprise she had picked London.  I had been to London just the past year with my sister and loved it, so when my daughter said London I was extremely happy with that.

One day in a chat room there were people talking about going to other countries and someone said that they would like to go to England and I said I was there last year and I'm planning on going again this year.  Straight away Daz spoke up and said "your coming to England?" I told him, yes and he asked me if when I came if we could meet.  I was a little leary, not of him really not deep down inside anyway.  I did agree to meet with him though.

Then one night in chat it was very late and Daz said he needed to go and he sent me a message with his phone number and said call me and tell me you love me.  I sat back a moment and thought, are your for real? you want me to say what? I waited about 15 minutes and gathered some thoughts, thoughts like he must be joking, talking on the phone will change this, it will be a bit more personal.  I picked up the phone unsure of what to say but yet excited at the same time.  The sound of his voice made me tingle from head to toe.  I wondered what was going through his mind.  I found one thing out about him that night, he enjoyed hearing the sound of his own voice.

So now we weren't just only online friends, it was bit more, we started sharing telephone calls.  We would talk for hours and gotten into deeper conversations.  He told me about all his trips to America and his mom getting sick and how he used his angels powers to make her well.  He talked about afterwards and how he was so drained and needed to get away,  that he made plans to go to America.  He spent about three months in America then moved on to Australia. 

I started telling him about things going on in my life as well, like my step-dad being terminally ill and the anniversary of my friends death was coming up and I was still dealing with the guilt feelings of letting her down.

There was just something about this new man in my life, he had away of surprising me all the time.  One night in a chat room there was this girl in there talking about how she felt like she was used goods, she was going through a divorce and had kids and what man would want her, lover her.  At that time Daz spoke up and said Jadey has kids and I love her.  My mouth just fell open and I could her myself say "OH MY GOD"

As the weeks passed and it was getting closer to me going to England there was a strong bond building between the two of us.   The more we started sharing the more open we have become with each other.  I didn't feel like I was taking a trip to a different country, more like I was going home.  As they say home is where your heart is and my heart was already with Daz even though we never met face to face.

May 14th, the day I was leaving for England.  So many thoughts, so many feelings.  My thoughts were about my daughter who couldn't take the trip because the school ended up extending the time they got out and the trip was already booked and instead of loosing the money for two I had decided to still go.  Other thoughts were like, what if he doesn't like what he sees, what if he doesn't show, what if I didn't like what I saw, what if he was really that arrogant man I thought he was in the beginning.  Then there were these feelings of love and compassion, desire and longing and yet we haven't met yet, how can this be?  I found it hard to sleep on the plane when any other time I would have slept with no problem.

May 15th, wooohoooo, the day was here.  My flight  landed early and I was at the hotel at 11:00 a.m. in the morning.  We were suppose to meet at 2:00 p.m. at St. Paul's Cathedral.  I went to a pay phone just outside the hotel to call him.  Looking through my purse to find my phonebook my hands began to shake, I took a deep breath and said "now calm down this would be just like meeting any other friend" but who was I kidding, he was more then just a friend, at least I was hoping it was more then friendship.  I called and I say "guess where I am?" and he said "could that be the same place I am, London?" We both made it to London earlier then expected and he made the suggestion that we meet a little earlier and I agreed.  I had gone back to the hotel to shower and change and on the way out I stopped at the front desk to ask for directions to the nearest tube.  Once the girl gave me the directions I headed for the door and stopped, took one deep breath and said "this is going to be good"

Once at the tube station I must have asked at least a half a dozen people how I could get to St. Paul's and since everyone told me the same thing I felt confident enough.  I have this terrible since of direction and was sure to get lost.

The tube stopped right in front of St. Paul's well at least I thought it was the front.  I walked across the street and started up the stairs and just as I was getting ready to walk in the doors I stopped, turned around, and asked one of the girls sitting there having lunch if this was the front of the building, she said no, you need to go up a bit and that would be the front.  As I approached the front and was getting ready to turn I saw all of these people sitting there, my knees began to shake and I looked up, there he was, looking through the crowd.  I stopped and thought, Oh my, look at him, so handsome, so sexy, looking so calm.  I knew right then just how much my heart really did belong to him.  Then I thought what if it isn't the same for him, will he be feeling the same things I was.  I almost turned and walked away.  He scared me, he scared me in the sense that he would break my heart.  I had never had my heart broken in this kind of way before and wondered if I could survive it if he did.  Something told me no you have to do this or you will be wondering the rest of your life.  That is one thing in this world I didn't want, I didn't want to wonder and this could be the missing piece of me that I have been searching for all of my life.

As I started up the steps all the people there didn't seem to exist anymore all I saw was him.  When he saw me, he had the biggest smile and he walked down the stairs and met me half way.  We hugged and did a brief kiss and he handed me one small daisy.  He remembered that daisies are my favorite flower.

He took my hand and lead me across the street to go to the car park where his car was and once across the street I stopped him and gave him the most passionate kiss and then he started to shake, that cool, calm, collective guy was nervous, I made him nervous, which brought a small chuckle to myself.  Then I thought maybe I shouldn't have done that maybe he would think that I was to forward.  Never before would I have done something like that, I would have waited for him but it was something we had talked about, I had to find out, I had to feel his lips on mine, I had to see if his kiss would make me tingle, to see if I felt that electric shock.  Shock it was, way beyond that, it was a feeling I could never explain.

Once we got to the car park, he said "so can you guess which car is mine?" ummmm.....lets see, it couldn't be the one with the plate that says "DAZ" could it? Of course it was, what else could anyone expect from a guy with the name of Daz, the ID of godsgift, of course he would have a fast flashy car.

We made it back to the hotel and parked and went to the pub across the street for a few drinks and a bite to eat.  When standing at the bar to order he stood behind me and kissed the back of my neck and said "this feels so right" I found a lump growing in my throat, and wasn't sure of what to say so instead I just turned and smiled at him.  If he only knew what those few words meant to me, he made my heart beat ten times faster.

The next day was like the most perfect day, the sun was shinning and it seemed to shine just for us.  We spent the day sightseeing in London.  In the evening we had gone out for a romantic dinner.

Three days into our holiday he had gotten a phone call from his mum and dad, there was a family emergency back home that he needed to take care of.  I told him to go back to Kent and take care of what he needed to.  We talked for about an hour I couldn't convince him that he should go back.  Then he said "what if I took you with me?" I told him no at first but he didn't want to leave me in London by myself.  Reluctant I went with him.  It turned out to be a good thing.  I met his parents who made me feel at home and his grand-parents and some of his friends.  I was so amazed at how welcomed everyone had made me feel.

A few days later we were going to leave for our three day cruise to Spain.  On our way to the cruise we had stopped by to see one of my online friends, funny enough it was badasbytch, the one who the guys were having a go out in the chat room the first night Daz and I met.  Meeting Debs was great, she was just like the same person in real life as she was online.  We had spent hours there, she made us a wonderful meal and made us feel so at home.  Debs just made us laugh the whole time we were there.

Once on the boat we both seemed to really be able to relax and enjoy each other, it was the best time I had ever had in my life and memory I will always hold dear to my heart.  It was nice for me to see him let himself go and have fun.  I didn't think he would be the type to get up on the dance floor, mostly because it wasn't his kind of dance music but he did, he even danced alone and I just smiled, I thought he was the cutest guy.  The best part was that rest of the world didn't exist, it was just the two of us and there were no troubles, no worries, just two people who were falling in love and it was those three days on the boat that we both knew we had made that full connection.  We called it our happily unmarried honeymoon.

The ten days in England went by as fast as a whirlwind and I had to go back to the States, I could feel my heart missing him already and I told him, he said, he was having the same feelings and if there is a way he will come and visit me next month in America.  That made it a bit easier saying good-bye at least  to know we knew we would see each other again soon.

The week in June when he came to visit me we had gone to my sisters for a barbeque and he got to meet  most of my family.  Funny isn't it that people that can speak the same "language" don't really understand what is being said.  I say this because we were sitting outside at my sister Buttons' house (real name is Irene, but my dad called her buttons when she was born because she had a button nose and it stuck) there is loads of wild life here and we were watching the deer walk through the garden and Nick, my brother in-law asked Daz if they have deer in England and Daz replied, yea we have a fair bit, but what Nick heard was, yea we have firbits, Nick turns around and says, you call them firbits? We all just laughed and now the deer aren't deer we call them firbits, just like we live in Pennsylvania but we say Pennsyltucky, my great niece Shanna who is 4 cant say Pennsylvania.

In July, we made plans for me to go back to England for a few days.  We did talk about me extending my visit but with work and all I couldn't.  We made the best of the time we had together and shared each moment.  We talked about me returning in August for an extended stay.  To see how we would get along.  I did have a few reservations about it, but how else would we find out if we were just having holiday romances or if it was really more.

When I first went over in August it was a bit hard, my dad (step-dad) but he was my dad to me had passed away about two weeks before I went over and I was feeling a bit of anguish, with leaving my family now, mostly my mom and my kids.  This was something though I had to do for me. After a few weeks I settled in and felt a bit more at ease. 

September we took a trip down to Devon for his friend Dave's wedding, he was best man.  What a lovely wedding it was.  My first English    wedding.  The only thing though is that I had forgotten to bring my hat.  Hats are a big thing I guess at formal English weddings, but no-one seemed to mind.  Hey I'm American what can I say.  Daz was great as best man, he was in his natural lime light, like I said one thing I found out about him early on, he loves to hear himself talk.  I think Dave was a bit worried that he was going to let some things out during his speech but he didn't, he just had some of Dave's other friends get up and let the cats out of the bag.  If I remember right there wasn't really anything that bad, I think they were holding back, not so much not to embarrass Dave but for Tori.

I stayed until November and came back to the States to be with my mom through Thanksgiving, she was having a real hard time, first holiday with out my dad and all. When I left,  Daz made me promise that I would be back for Christmas and his birthday, which falls on New Years.  I kept my promise and went back to England and stayed a few more months.  Then I had to come back to the States to get some personal things settled. That was in February

  Daz came to states to be with me for my birthday in March and we had once again one of the most wonderful times.  The days went by so fast.  But it was great because after having months together then not seeing each other for weeks we knew then that, yes this is for real.  

We started talking about making things permanent but unsure of what to do.  Do I move there, does he come here, we decided, I should say he decided that we should be in the States, my mom needed me and it would be easier for his family to visit us here then all of my family to visit us in England.   

He made another visit to the States, we were invited to his friend Mel's wedding in California.  He flew into Philadelphia airport because two other friends, Paul and Tom were going to the wedding as well.  It took some time arranging flights so he could fly over from England with them and they were to catch a connecting flight  to California.  Oh my,  what a nightmare, their  flight came in on time but customs in Philly is well, to put it a nice way, it stinks, it took them almost four hours to clear customs, I was panicking that something was wrong and knowing that  Paul and Tom were going to miss their flight I started chewing my fingernails, I kept asking  to the guards are you sure everything is alright? They kept assuring me that not to worry they would be out soon.  The first person I saw coming through the doors was Tom, couldn't miss the gentle giant and once I saw him I was jumping out of my shoes, honestly there was no way they could miss me waving my arms and all.  What a fool I must have looked like.  Didn't have much time to say hi to the guys but the guards where nice enough to let me through to give them each a big hug and kiss, then they were off running to catch the flight they had already missed.  If I remember right they had to wait four hours for another flight.  I felt so bad for them and wanted to wait with them but everything was just so rushed we couldn't.    

  Daz and I got to spend a few days together in a place I had rented for the time that he was here, then we got to take our first flight together, it was so exciting after all the flights to and fro it was our first one together.  One good thing, he wasn't the best man at the wedding but the bad thing is he was one of the groomsmen and the night of the rehearsal dinner they had a Mexican buffet I thought it was lovely, Daz on the other had is not much of a Mexican food kind of guy.  That night he got really really sick, he blames it on the food, I say he had the flu.  It was a night of him running to the bathroom every five minutes, in his version he was on deaths bed, but what can I say he is a man and a cold to a man is like dying.  We tried all types of medicine and nothing was working.  Mel thank goodness called her doctor and explained the situation to him and he prescribed an antibiotic ummm....not a nice one either because he had to stick it in a place that the sun doesn't shine.  Trust me when I say Paul and Tom were very eager to help him with that.  I really wanted him to go to the doctors but since he is scared to death of needles he was fighting me on it, Tom and Paul, however,  said that if it comes to that they would carry him there. 

After several hours the medicine did start to work and he was able to make it through the wedding.  On the flight home I filled him in on what a lovely wedding Mel and Justin had.   When we got back to Pennsylvania we made useful time of starting with immigrations looking into what we needed to do.  About two weeks after he left I filed for the K1 visa.  We were expecting it to take forever to come back with a reply and since he was not allowed to visit me here anymore and we wanted so much to see each other, I took a trip to England in June.  

On June 21st he took me to St. Paul's, he said since we didn't get to go inside the day we met he wanted to take me to the whispering gallery.  We climbed all those stairs, oh my god, I didn't think they would ever end.  It was wonderful when we got to the top, the choir was singing and he held my hand and set me down on the bench and walked to the other side, now for some of you, you might not know, the whispering gallery is round and they say that if someone whispers into the wall  the person across the room can hear them as clear as day.  I had a bit of a problem hearing though, I had put my bad ear to the wall and with the music I really couldn't hear, I had thought that he had asked me to marry him but I wasn't sure so I didn't reply.  IA women had walked up to him and they were chatting about something, this woman then walked up to me and said I have a very special message for you and let me be the first to wish you best wishes, she then handed me a little black box and kissed my cheek and walked away.  Daz came up walking behind her with a tear in his eye he said "baby, will you marry me" Boy did I lose the plot, he opened the box and slipped the ring on my finger.  Oh my God what a wonderful ring, it belonged to his great-grandmother and it was his nan and mum's idea to give it to me which even made it more special.

The next few weeks we were waiting to hear from immigrations as to when he would have his interview.  On the 19th of July he received a letter from immigrations telling him he had his interview date in August.  We did get a little ahead of ourselves and booked his flight to come over on August 21.  The day of his interview it was so stressful,  then he does the meanest thing to me.  As I'm walking in the door to work, he calls me on my cell phone and tells me he was denied to come over, yup the tears welled up in my eyes and then I heard I'm just kidding, oh if he were standing in front of me I would have slapped him upside the head, maybe not because I remember walking into work and just hugging and kissing everyone saying he's coming, he really is coming.

We had made plans to be married on September 4, 2002.  We had decided to keep a small simple wedding.  Neither of us were into having a big formal wedding because it was the meaning of getting married that matter more to us.  I had made all the arrangements for us to get married at Bushkill Falls.  It just seemed like the best place for us, it was like us, our relationship, pure, natural, calm, it was perfect.  Bushkill Falls has this waterfall there, some people say it's Pennsylvania's Niagara Falls.  His parents, my mom and Sister Sally were there to share our special day with us.  What a perfect day, although it was one of the hottest days of the summer, the sun was shinning and standing by the waterfall underneath the pine trees made it about it a bit cooler.   Of all times for me to get the giggles, this was not it but for some reason I did, I think it was either that or I would have cried, not tears of sorrow but of happy ones.  Daz said afterwards, the one time I wanted you to take me serious and what do you do, you giggle.  Oh well just a nervous habit of mine.  

Here it is November 11, 2003 and I find myself looking at Daz and thinking we have been through so much in the last three years, meeting, deaths, moving, missing family but yet it is all worth it.  I want nothing more!!!!